Life can be a real journey. I have learned many things this year, but I think the thing I learned best of all is that, I really don't know very much. The year began with the beginning of a new semester. Just previous to that had been a very hard couple of months for my family. My mom was in and out of the hospital, our dryer broke, it was winter, the refrigerator broke and so did most of our cars. So needless to say it was kind of a relief when school started and I had different concerns on my mind, most of which only concerned me which was a change. I do want to say though throughout all of this I never felt alone, I always knew that Heavenly Father was looking out for me and my family.
During the winter semester a lot happened. I made some really great friends got more involved with the school by being a mentor for disadvantaged freshman but the most exciting thing was I switched my major from art to El. Ed. It was a big change but I KNEW this was what I was to supposed to do.After all this there began a new semester and I felt as if was starting all over with a clean slate. I had new roommates, a new major and I lived in a new place. Things were good and I had some great experiences. Of course like any other time of life there were trials but I found ways of getting around them. With the help of religion classes, sincere prayer, lots of scripture study and weekly Temple attendance I was able to get through the school year with minimal bruising.
When it was all over I decided to try something new and move to Provo. It was out of the blue but it sounded fun. My cousin Leah, and I lived with my Grandparents and we had lots of fun but little did I know this was the beginning of a lesson I really needed to learn. As I have described in previous posts I looked for jobs however, I was unsuccessful, l for the most part. I applied for more than forty jobs and the only thing I found was substitute teaching. I prayed hard to know what to do but to no avail. I never felt impressed to do anything or go anywhere, I was at a stand still.One day while I was in Provo my grandpa gave me a blessing, in my blessing he told me many things, all good but many scary. I truly felt that things would probably be different from then on. Shortly after the blessing and just before Thanksgiving I decided to move home since the holidays were coming and my brother was graduating from college. I felt it was better to be home and I finally felt it was time to be back, for good. Once I moved home I almost instantly became unhappy and kind of depressed. I was not excited for Christmas and I had no friends. Everyone seemed to be gone or busy with other things. My moms health was not that good so I was once again faced with the fear of so much responsibility that I was not sure I could take at the time. The concern of money and other things were always weighing on my mind, even though I had finally felt like I should be home it was hard. Once you move away it is hard to go back and still try to move forward. I lived out of my packed bags and I had a constant feeling of floating, I never felt settled and I didn't feel like anyone wanted me here. However, I continued to pray but didn't know what to do. Finally one Sunday I had a breakdown, or should I say a breakthrough. My mom finally asked me if there was something wrong and I just cried. I told her many things. Afterwords I poured out my heart to my Heavenly Father. I told Him I couldn't bare it anymore and I needed the Saviors help. I know how the Atonement works, at least I thought I knew. You lay your burdens on him and He will lighten your load. Well I didn't know how to do that. I continued to pray when finally the answer came. He told me I didn't need to know how, that wasn't my concern. He told me just to trust in Him and he would take care of it. It is so simple yet it has taken me years to learn and far too many tears before I realized that we don't have to understand in order For the Atonement to work. If you go to the Lord with your pains and your sorrows, truly he will make it possible for you to have peace.
This year I learned so much about tender mercies, faith, trust, love, and humility. In order for us to learn Heavenly Father must humble us. When we are at our lowest we are the most malleable and easy to teach. At the End of this year I want to bare my humble testimony that this is the True Church. God lives, and He loves us. The Savior was born, died and was resurrected, He Lives and He loves us. Prayer works and if you pray with a sincere heart He will answer. I know the Book of Mormon is true and was translated by a true prophet. I know that our Prophet today speaks to God and knows what is best for us. I am thankful everyday to be a part of this and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.
