Sometimes When You Are so Blessed, You Start Seeing Your Blessings as Trials

I don't mean to say that my life is perfect because it most definitely isn't. What I am trying to say is that when we are used to getting what we want, we begin to see spontaneous blessings from Heaven as trials. Let me explain.
A few months ago I was hired to teach at BYU-Idaho in the English department as an adjunct professor. I was very excited and very nervous for this opportunity. I had been hoping to get this job ever since I finished my student teaching in the Spring of 2013. I didn't know if I would qualify, however, since I don't have a master's degree. Anyway, I did get the job and everything seemed to be hunky dorey. Then summer hit and everything got a little crazy: weddings, reunions, family trips, birthdays, girls camp, and canning. On top of all of this, we decided it would be best to rent a house with my parents in order to ease the burdens placed on my dad and my younger sister. Between looking for a house, being a mom, a wife, a teacher in preparation, and everything else, it was hard to stay sane. I was feeling a little overwhelmed to say the least. And then it came, out of the blue, I am Pregnant! What!? How on earth did this happen? I really didn't think I was going to make it through the year alive. I felt like this was the last straw. I couldn't help but feel that Heavenly Father was trying to see just how far He could push me. I cried... a lot. I didn't feel well, and I wasn't sure if I could do it all. That's when I realized that I was looking at it all wrong. I was sitting in Young Women's last Sunday and the lesson was on families. We talked about the importance of being mothers in Zion and raising righteous, faithful children. A story was shared about a girl who was smart and talented and she chose motherhood over a career. Her leaders and teachers told her she was wasting her gifts. When I heard this story, I was appalled. I couldn't believe that someone would feel that way about motherhood. And then  I realized that I was being that person in my own way. I was the person who felt like being a mother and expecting another precious child was a trial, an extra burden for me to bear. When in reality, this is my purpose. Being a mother is what I came here to do. Sure I can be a teacher and help and serve those around me, but in the end, the most important thing I can do is to help raise the next generation. My burden/trial wasn't a trial at all. Although being sick and tired all the time really isn't any fun, I am excited to be a mother of two. I am happy that my body is healthy and capable of bearing children. What a marvelous gift I have been given. I only hope I can be worthy of it.

Stay at Home Mom

Ever since I was a child I wanted to be a mom, well. . . kind of. The thought of childbirth scared the daylights out of me but that is beside the point. I always knew that someday motherhood would grace my life, and I would try my very hardest to be the best mom I could be. I suppose part of that desire came from watching my own mother raise six very rambunctious children. The point is I looked forward to it.
     This story is about me and about my experience as a stay at home mom. I hope that someone out there can relate, and I hope that in some way it brings comfort or at least validation.
Let me start at the beginning, or close to it. About six years ago I started college, and at that point a lot of things changed. I guess you could say I found myself in a way. I went through many trials from changing my major (do to feelings of inadequacy)  to losing my grandma, and much more. I submerged myself in my studies, and I loved it! I loved learning, getting to know people, challenging myself, serving on various committees, and being involved in my ward and community. The best part was, that I discovered what a passionate person I am. Everything I put my heart into became a part of me most especially my field of study, English and art education. I discovered just how much I love to read, write, paint,take pictures, and teach. I had no idea I could get so excited about such things. I began to feel as though I couldn't do anything else. I wanted to teach, I wanted to paint, and I wanted to read classical literature and analyze it to my hearts content. I didn't think I could give these things up for motherhood.
     Well, in December of 2011 I married a wonderful man. The kind of person every women wishes they could find. Nine months after we married, I found out I was pregnant. I was very excited and nervous. I was right in the middle of finishing my last semester of classes, and I was preparing to do my student teaching. I knew I was in for a trial. Despite feeling overwhelmed, sick, and scared, I made it though to the end. I was terrified at that time to give up everything that I felt I had worked so hard for to be a mother. My husband and I decided that I should stay home to raise the children as long as it was possible for me to do so. I know it may be cliche, but yes, I wanted to be the one to teach my children to walk, crawl, and say their ABC's. Being a mom was, and is, more important to me than being a teacher or artist. Consequently, I turned down job offers and I went home and waited for my son to come. It was a real adjustment to go from super busy and overwhelmed to trying to find things to do with my time.
     When my son came into the world, I quickly learned that being a mother was a bit harder than I had anticipated. Breastfeeding was a beast and it was very time consuming! Devoting your every minute to a baby can be very exhausting, especially if your baby doesn't sleep through the night.
My son is eight and a half months old now and things have gotten easier. I love being a mom, truly I do. I love playing with my son on the floor, watching him learn how to walk along the furniture, eat, and communicate. He is the joy of my life. However, I still struggle to find fulfillment in my life. I still long for the opportunity to sit down for a few hours and read a good book that challenges my thinking. I want so badly to write something meaningful and paint something magnificent. However, I know that my time will come and if I am patient, I will find the means and time to do the things I love and be a mom. Right now, being a mom is more important to me. In the meantime, I write on my blog, read books here and there, save for my camera, and merely start drawings that I never seem to have time to finish. Beyond that I am a mom who cleans house, runs errands, bakes, makes dinner, mends shirts, mentors young women, participates in my church, plans baby showers, and any other task I can get my hands on. I am a educated mom and wife, and I do my best